Realm of Wizardry

Sometimes I just set myself up for disappointment

2006-09-13T23:15:00.000-04:00

I don't know why I do this, but I do. I get an idea in my head. My brain then starts running with this idea. Sometimes this is good. Many of times, its not. My brain runs with this idea to the point that when the idea doesn't come to fruitation, I get disappointed. Even when there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell for this idea to come true in the first place. Allt his does in increase my anxiety. Not good. Not good at all.

So I really need to put this runaway train brain of mine to good use. I have an outlet. My photography. I really really enjoy this hobby and it really do provide a good outlet for me. But I really need to put some of my crazy ideas to action. (damn I used really a lot in that last couple of sentences). Anyways, I have been procrastinating on setting up a mini photo studio to do some close quarters shotting for a while now. I have been procrastinating on some other ideas for a while now. I need to stop the procrastinating!

Anyways. I also need to start getting MORE sleep. I haven't been sleeping the greatest lately. When I don't sleep, I get depressed, paranoid and grouchy. Can't have me being grouchy. I am such a bear when I am grouchy. Oh the other things are bad too :)

So to that end....

Good Night!

(P.S. If the Karma bank people are reading this...I would like to make a withdrawal)

Almost 2 months since my last post!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-09-06T23:19:00.000-04:00

Wow, I hadn't realized it had been so long since I posted. I don't think I am too good at this blogging thing. I have to get out of the mindset that I have to write something epic anytime I post.

Just need to write, get my thoughts out. Rather than letting them rattle around in my skull causing brain damage :(

I have been thinking that I am going to do one of two things. First is rearrange this page so it is more of a photoblog format. I have trouble finding the words for my feelings and my thoughts. That is part of the reason for infrequent posts. Another reason for the infrequent post is sometimes I am second guessing myself. Like who really wants to hear my thoughts. But I have to remember that I am writing this more for myself than anyone else. Do I really care if someone is reading this? Well, a little bit. It would be nice to know someone is reading this and I am not invisible like I feel sometimes.

A friend just recently posted a desire of her's. I agree with it so much. Why is it the good people (I like to think of myself as a good person anyways). But why is it the nice guys or the good people seem to have such a hard time finding happiness? When she described her desire, it made me realize that I deserve better. And to answer her question, No I don't think it is too much to ask for.

Oops got side tracked :) Typical. Anyways the second thing I was thinking, keep this as a word blog and start another that is photoblog. I feel that I can express myself much better through pictures. So maybe that is what I will do.

But it will have to wait. Camera club meeting tomorrow night. Start of a new season. I am so looking forward to this season. It is going to be busy, but a ton of fun.

Ok, enough babbling tonight.

Learning new stuff is so much fun.

2006-07-09T13:54:00.000-04:00

On this past Thursday I attended a workshop for basic lighting and portrait model shooting. I hadn't realized how much fun this could be. One of the guys in the camera club has set up a basic studio in his house and has offered to teach the members of the camera club about lighting and portraiture. In these workshops, we hire a model or two and spend a few hours learning and shooting.

I went into this not knowing what to expect. Two fabulous models were lined up. One with quite a bit of experience and the other with less experience. Both were great. This is definitely something I want to learn more about.

Anyways, cutting this short for now. Check out my results of the models on my flickr page and let me know what you think.

Eventful night

2006-07-03T22:26:00.000-04:00

What a night. I had to make a dash from work early today because Sarah had a car accident. Well, Sarah didn't have the accident, because obviously she doesn't drive :) But she was in the car that hit another. Everyone is fine. A bit shaken up and bruised but doing well none the less.

But there is that time from when you get the phone call to when you actually get to your kids that you are worried crazy like. Even though you are told on the phone that everyone is ok, it is just something that you have to see for yourself.

Like I said, everyone is fine and I am just happy for that. I don't blame anyone for the accident, sometimes these things happen. But as we are sitting in the Assesment room in the hospital emerg. I could hear the passenger from the other car. What a Drama Queen. You would think that she was missing limbs the way she was going on. Geez, lady, that's what insurance is for. To fix or replace your broken vehicle. But I figure she was more frantic because of shock. But oh well. Shit happens and life goes on. If there is anything that I have learned, is that if everyone is ok, then really there isn't that much to worry about.

Fortunately, when I needed a laugh, today's Questionable Content, gave me exactly that. Faye's comment on the 3rd panel had me in stitches :)

That's it for tonight. Happy that everyone is ok.

Happy Belated Birthday, Canada! EH!

2006-07-02T14:57:00.000-04:00

I know, I'm a day late. Didn't feel like writing last night.
This long weekend is basically over for me now. With my job I get the American holidays and have to work the Canadian ones. For the most part that works to my advantage, since I get paid time and a half for the Canadian holiday and get the American holiday off with pay.

Canada Day for me this year has basically been a non-event. On Saturday, Sarah and I headed into Port Credit for the Canada Day festivities. I had heard that they were going to have a cake cutting ceremony (holy aliteriation, Batman). This was suppose to happen at 12 noon. I say suppose to because when we got down there, it turned out that the paper had printed the information incorrectly. They weren't cutting the cake until 4pm. We were a full 4 hours early! Instead we wandered around Port Credit for a while. I got some nice pictures around the village.

In the afternoon, the Parental Units were borrowing my daughter to take her to a BBQ Pool Party. I wasn't planning on joining them, but since all my friend's had other plans, I figured it would be better than sitting around doing nothing. All I'll say about the pool party is that Sarah had a GREAT time.

Everyone, I hope you guys enjoy your day off tomorrow. And I really mean that, not being my usual Sarcastic self :) Hopefully on Tuesday, I can get caught up on a huge backlog of photos. I hadn't realized how far behind I had fallen.

Grrr

2006-06-30T19:28:00.000-04:00

So, I haven't written anything for months, then I start again and its like an addiction. I am away from the computer for one night having withdrawals of "Oh, I should write that thought" and of course when I actually get to the computer its, "Gee, what was that thought". Writing it down on paper would have been way too easy :)

I answer the doorbell tonight and what do I find but 2 Rogers guys solicating. They start by saying they want to save me money. They ask if we have cable, internet, cell phones and a home phone. I say yes I do. The guy looks surprised and asks "All with Rogers?" I tell him no. You never asked that. At that point he gets a little frazzled. I don't think he was expecting a smart ass :). Well, he continues on about how I can save money with Roger's deals. So I ask a simple question. "Rogers knows what I have, why can't they just give me the best deal that is possible?" A reasonable question if you ask me. Again, I don't think he expected questions. He gives a line about Rogers needing my authorization to do that. Ok, fine, Roger's knows my phone number, call me and tell me :). Again, he really isn't liking my reasonablilty. He continues. Telling me that Rogers will send me a cheque for 300 bucks. Ok, do so. Eventually, I tell him "Cut to the chase, what's the deal?" He doesn't like that either. He gives up and walks away and says have a good night. 0-0 WHAT!!!! I'll admit, I give telemarketers and door to door salesmen a hard time, but I hadn't even taken the gloves off yet. So as he is walking away I say "I guess this is what Rogers call customer services?" And he say "I guess this is what Rogers calls customers!" Holy Shit, he is sassing me back. What a jerk :) Oh well, I guess I had it coming, sort of. Now I will have to call Rogers and see how I can get them to give me 300 bucks :) and of course mention to them the crappy door to door salesmen they send around.

Ok that's it for now. Talk to you later.

Blah

2006-06-27T22:53:00.000-04:00

   I really hate when the weather turns stinky. I mean that in I hate when the weather induces migraines! Migraines suck. If you have never had one, you are lucky. If you do suffer them, then my heart goes out to you.
   I fortunately only get low grade migraines, but that is enough that when you grab the cell phone or the night light is enough light to cause immense pain.
   Today's I was able to sleep off and by lunch it was just a constant headache. This afternoon actually turned out to be quite productive. That is once I was medicated :)
   I organized how I store my images. My system was not working greatly and made backups a real pain in the butt. No I have them seperated by month, and then further filed by a directory for either the day or if it was a special event, it is listed by date and special event. Then further in each directory there is a subdirectory that the unedited originals are store. Then when I edit the pictures or convert them for printing or posting or whatever they go in the parent, but the original is never touched beyond loading it.
   Then at the end of the month all I need to do is back up that directory for the month and I am good to go.
   It may seem a little (lot?) anal but I am so paranoid about either losing my images or wrecking my originals. This system will help to prevent both of those fears from coming to light. It all leads back to keeping it simple then it won't screw up.

It has been a while...

2006-06-25T16:47:00.000-04:00

Hello friends. I guess I have been a bit incognito for the past few weeks. Ok, just checking the date of my last post weeks should be months. April 26th was the last time I posted.
True be told, I was in a bit of a slump the last little while. I had a bit of a block creatively and mentally. I just didn't feel like writing or even working on photographs. I was using the excuse of being too busy, but really that was all it was, an excuse. I had started feeling sorry for myself and that was just stupid.
Ok, life isn't perfect, but really is anyone's? You have to make due with what you have. Not worry about what you don't or can't have.

This weekend has been a bit of a catharthis for my blocks. Mentally and creatively.

On Thursday night, I purchased a new lens. (A Sigma 70-300 Macro for those of you who care). I am not a big one for spending my way out of my slumps, but a little bit of Retail Therapy was helpful. :D

On Friday, Raj and I headed down to Colonel Samuel Smith Park to play with the lens and get a feel for it. This park is really nice. Down on the lakefront on a man made land fill pennisula that on one side you can look back towards Mississauga and the other way looking to Toronto. It also has a 3.8 ha wetland with tons of wild life. This is definitely a gem of a park that I will be visiting again earlier in the day so that we have more light. Come to think of it sunrise shots would be very good from this location. If only I could get my ass out of bed early enough :)

Saturday was a very good day. While Sarah was with my parents at Dad's work picnic, I headed down to the Island to meet up with some people from the Toronto Photography Meet-up Group (TPMG) to photograph the Dragon Boat Races. Raj and I meet up with Robert, Melissa, and Sarah. We also met some others, Osei, Sue and Ken, but we all kind of hung out in small groups. We started at the Races and watched a couple heats. Got so good pictures. But there is only so many pictures of Dragon Boats that one can take before it gets a bit repetative. We ended up exploring the island a bit. We discovered the Gilbralter Point Lighthouse and the Pier on the south side of the island.
Generally, it was a very good day. I met so great people, who we all hit it off together pretty good and had a very enjoyable day in the sun. Check out my flickr site and you will find many pictures from the day. Depending on when you read this, there is either more to come or there they are :)

Sunday was fun too. I took Sarah to Andrew's Scenic Acres to pick some Strawberries. Strawberries are so yummy when they are local fruit :D Watch flickr because I will eventually post some pictures from today.

Anyways, I have a few projects in mind that I have been procrastinating on, so hopefully this week I will get around to starting the initial stages of these projects. Stay tuned for details as they develop :)

Talk to you all soon. I promise I would be so lapse on this again. :(

Red Light

2006-04-26T23:47:00.000-04:00

Red Light
Originally uploaded by StephenHill.

Raj and I took a return visit to photograph the Burlington Skyway and the channel that runs below it. This is one of the signal lights on the Hamilton Harbour end of the channel. Watch my flickr site for more pics for this evening.

Streetcar

2006-04-24T23:14:00.000-04:00

Streetcar
Originally uploaded by StephenHill.

Its amazing what you can find during a run outside of the city. This sits in a farmer's field near Hamilton. I had heard of it, and seen pictures of it, but never knew where it was. I found it completely by accident and happy I did.

Catching up

2006-04-19T15:51:00.000-04:00

Hello all, I guess I have been neglecting my cyber space for a while now.

Got some updating done today.
Carla, you will notice that Raj's link is now fixed. Happy now? :)

I have actually read a lot since I last updated my reading list on the side there, but I just can't be bothered to update it fully, so I will start again with what I am currently reading. Which, by the way is great. I have yet to read a Christopher Moore book that I have not liked, and this one is no different. I am only half way through, but it is very good so far.

A few weeks back I went out to a concert with Raj to see South. I had never heard these guys before, but was very inpressed with what I had heard on their website. Their show was great. They are definitely influenced by one of my favourite bands, New Order. But also have a very different style. Anyways, South is awesome. If they are in town again you can bet that I will be at the show. Now the opening band was a completely different story. Raj was very....forgiving in his summary of them. I will just sum it up like this, they acted on stage how they thought rock stars "should" act. The lead singer reminded me of an amagamation of Mick Jagger, Steve Tyler and Angus Young all rolled into one. Scary!!!! Simply put, they sucked! So you can avoid them since I have already suffered the pain for you they are Something for Rockets.

And of course I need to have a rant. This one has been on my mind for a while so its been stewing into a special kind of hate. I really can't stand when someone gives the impression that they feel the world revolves around themselves. To be more specific, the project the felling that their way of thinking is the only way. No one elses opinions, or way of thinking is correct. They tend to be very critical of others and find fault in all that the others do or how they think. I will admit I can be critical of others at times, but I am aware of it and try to not be. It is one of my own shortcomings. But, I digress, I realize that anyone who is the way that I am writing about will not be aware of this in themselves, but I just needed to get this off my chest.

Don't forget about one of my passions either. Photography. I have updated pictures on my flickr site, so go have a look. Even better get yourself a flickr account and post some of your pics and comment on mine or others.

Happy Clicking and Talk to you Later.

B-)

I guess its True, I really am Evil

2006-04-19T14:51:00.000-04:00

You Are 64% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.
Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

Pictures on display

2006-04-05T21:25:00.000-04:00

Hey check this out. I have some pictures in an exhibition. I am so pumped about this. So cool!

Ok, its only a small exhibition, but still. They picked my pictures to be a part of it. Makes me very happy .

Anyways, that it for now. Got more pictures to process. :)

Grrrrrrrrrrr

2006-03-19T22:44:00.000-05:00

Ok, while I am pissed off at the world, I figure now is as good as any to get some pet peeves off my chest. Although I am numbering these, there are in no particular order.

Pet Peeve #1:
   What is so damn important that you have to walk along the street reading your email on your flippin' Blackberry. These people walk along head down not paying attention to where they are going, expecting people to get out of their way. We live in Canada, it should be perfectly legal to hip check dumb asses into traffic, or into the sides of buildings!

Pet Peeve #2:
   If you get on the highway, the minimum speed that you should go is 100 km/h. And if that is the speed that you want to go once you have entered said highway, STAY IN THE SLOW LANE!!!!! If you enter the middle lane expect to be going 110 to 120 km/h. And if you want to venture into the fast lane; the minimum you should be going is 110. And watch your mirrors, if you see someone coming up behind you, either step on it or even better move the fsck over!

Pet Peeve #3:
   When you are driving, pay attention to the speeds of the cars around you. If you are in a lane and make a lane change, make sure that you are going at least as fast as the car that is coming up behind you. When I am going 120 and you pull into my lane doing 90, expect me to be very ticked off at you! Same if you are entering a road, ie making a turn on to a road. The cars coming up on you are going to be moving, don't pull out if you do not have room to get up to the same speed as the flowing traffic before they are up your ass!!!!

Pet Peeve #4:
   Red lights mean stop!!! I don't think I need to say more here! Stop at the flippin' light.

Pet Peeve #5:
   Stupid people. I don't think this needs any explaination either.

Pet Peeve #6:
   If you don't know shit, keep your mouth shut! I hate when people go on about something that they have no clue about. It doesn't make you sound smart. It does the exact opposite. And don't assume that you know what the other guy is thinking. You are only guessing at the motives and thoughts of others.

Ok that is enough for now. I could go on. But I won't. I only have one last question. What did I do to make the world hate me?

Geeks Rule!!!

2006-03-12T02:33:00.000-05:00

Went to the Drake Hotel tonight with Raj to catch a few indie bands tonight. What an incredible night we had. Great Music, great scenery and great geeks :)

The bands were Fjord Rowboat, Madrid and Raised By Swans. Chase the links. They are 3 amazing bands. I loved all 3 for different reasons. And in every band, all the band members were geeks! Awesome. There is hope for us yet!

I had an incredible night. Just what I needed. I just checked the Fjord Rowboat site and they are playing a whole bunch of shows in Toronto. Go check them out!

Anyways, for a more intelligent and thought provoking description of the bands, go check out Raj's page. At 2:30 in the morning, I ain't all that intelligent :)

Coffee and other stuff

2006-02-19T00:39:00.000-05:00

I have found the absolute greatest coffee that one can find. Not only is the coffee great, it is also custom roasted when you order it and they will deliver to your door. But wait it gets better! They have a big selection of organic fair trade coffee. I always try to get fair trade coffee when I can. The other good thing about this great coffee...it doesn't cost any more than if I was to buy my coffee from a Timothy's. Now you want me to share where I got this black gold, don't you? :)

Dark City Coffee is where you want to call! Here is a picture of the beans that I opened today. Sumatra Takengon is the coffee and it is wonderful.

Thankfully this coffee karma balanced my stupid karma for the day :(

Suffice to say, when you are chatting with a lady and she hints at a date...jump at the opportunity. Don't be stupid!!!!!!! I was so engrossed in the assignment I was working on, and the picture files I was working on, and the competition work that I was doing, and chatting with a charming lady (nice multitasking eh!) that I was thick headed when the hint was dropped :(

Fortunately, I think that I haven't presented myself as a complete moron so life goes on. Fingers crossed that I haven't completely messed things up. I am sure I haven't but then again I need to over analyse everything just to try and work myself up. Go figure.

Anyways, I am going to bed. Got another stupid cold :(

Oh and as usual go check out my pictures, more are posted :)

More Pictures!!

2006-02-05T00:57:00.000-05:00

Damn this photography habit of mine is getting out of hand. But only because I am taking more pictures than I have time to process them :(
I went out Friday night to take some night pictures in Toronto. The original plan was just to take some skyline pictures. We went to the foot of Polson St. and found some nice big freighters with the Toronto skyline as a background. It was a good site but the equipment gremlins had a go at me. As we started unpacking our equipment, I pulled out my tripod to discover that the shoe is missing (for those of you that are photography illiterate, the shoe is the bit that attaches to the bottom of the camera and mates with the top of the tripod so the camera can be easily and quickly removed and reattached). With out the shoe the tripod is essentially modern art, and completely useless. Thankfully, Raj was not inflicted by the gremlins so I had to mooch the use of his tripod from him (Thanks Bud!).
There was a bloody cold wind coming across the harbour making it damn hard to take pictures and avoiding frostbite.
After about an hour we had our fill of pictures there and were getting hungry. So off to dinner. We got Japanese. For the life of me I can't remember the name of what we had, but it was tasty.
From there we decided that Casa Loma might prove to be an interesting site for more pictures. We trekked up there and spent more than 2 hours mostly on a stair case behind the castle.
All told I took about 120 shoots (about half a gig of images!!). With the 250 images (another gig and a bit) from last weekend, plus other miscellaneous shots, I have a lot of work ahead of me to process. And not that I have started shooting a lot of RAW pictures the process is slowed down since it takes much longer for Photoshop to load up each image :(
Anyways, keep an eye on my flickr site as there will be a steady stream of photos being posting. Looks like this will be the month that I go pro on Flickr. I have already his my max in regards to the number of viewable pictures and the last 2 months I have maxed our my upload limit :( So if anyone wants to contribute I will take a donation of a flickr pro account :)

Ta, Ta for now. Talk to you later.

Shooting in Burlington and Hamilton

2006-01-30T00:45:00.000-05:00

What a day! And I mean that is a good way.

Raj and I met up with 4 others from the Toronto Photography Meetup Group (TPMG) today to do some photo shooting in and around the Burlington/Hamilton area. But isn't it our luck that it is pissing down of rain for most of the day.
The original plan was to shoot the Burlington Skyway and then head over to some of the industrial areas in the region, then head back to the Skyway for sunset and some night shooting. Since the rain was still bucketing down when we met up and none of us wanted to risk having our equipment ruined in the rain, we had to have an alternative plan. We decided that an indoor shoot was definitely in the cards since none of us wanted to give up a day of shooting. The Canadian Heritage Warplane museum seemed like a good alternative. One of the guys had called ahead and the CHW has warned us that the planes had been crammed into one side of the hanger since there was a Wood Show going on. Yes you heard that right a Wood Show. "This is a 2x4. This is pine....." Anyways, they weren't kidding when they said crammed in. It was very crowded in the hanger. We did manage to get some good close ups, but anything from further back was not possible.
As the afternoon wore on, we grabbed a snack/lunch in the cafeteria. Good conversation was had, of course the main topic being photography, cameras and the like. We figured that it would be worth it to head back down to the lake and hope that the rain would let up.
When we got to the lake the rain had let up quite a bit. So out came the rain hoods and the ziplock bags to keep the cameras dry and out we went. There was some great waves on the lake and get this, people SURF on Lake Ontario! I never would have believed it if I hadn't seen it for myself, but there they were, jumping in off the pier and hanging ten on the Lake Ontario waves. Once I get some pictures up on flickr you will be able to see that I was not on some crazy acid trip :) But really who would have thought that people would surf in Lake Ontario and in January no less!
The big waves also gave us some great opportunities for water shots. As the evening progressed the rain actually stopped and we ended up spending about 3 hours there taking shots. Here is one that I have processed and posted on flickr so far.

Once I get some time I will post some more.

After all that we head to a restaurant and had a great dinner.

I am very happy that the day ended off on a good note. The guys that we met from TPMG were all great guys and I look forward to shooting with them again and with meeting more people from the group.

Ramblings

2006-01-28T17:16:00.000-05:00

So what can I say, I suck at keeping this blog up to date. I quick summary of my recent history.

Underworld: Evolution is a fun movie. Go see it.

New position is pretty good at work. Still in training. Three more weeks of training in fact.

Photography is fun. I have posted a bunch of recent photos on my flickr site. In fact that is probably to best way to see what I am up to. Watch my flickr site. I usually post pics very soon after I have taken them.
The exception being this week. I posted a bunch of pictures from when the Ex and I took Sarah to Woodbine Centre last week. After I had posted them I had almost used up my quota for the month. I figured that I would as a couple megs worth so that I could post pictures from the shoot that I am going on tomorrow. Well, when I had my summary home page up on flickr, one of the 4 pics was one of Lorraine and Sarah. It was bugging me to keep seeing that picture, so I had to post pics to push that one off the home page. Go figure. I guess I haven't completely got over the seperation yet. Sucky.

One question, does one ever get over it? Does the feelings of loss and inadequecy ever go away? I just wish I could get on with my life and forget about it. I guess the feelings I have are more of jealousy these days. More specifically, she can get pick up guys and get boyfriends, why can't I get the dates too? [ed: Does that clear up the ambiguous English now, Raj?] I know I have looks working against me, or at least that it seems.

Oh well, fuck it. I guess I am just sentenced to a life of loneliness. Or at least for now.

As I hinted to up there, going on a shoot tomorrow that I am really looking forward to. I will post picks as soon as possible afterwards.

Bye for now.

Still Here :)

2006-01-11T23:42:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone,
   Ok, reading back through the last few entries, I really sound fracken miserable. :( I guess in some ways I really feel that way, but I guess things could be a lot worse.
   We start with the good. The job from the last entry where HR gave the lame ass denial letter. Well, turns out that I actually did get the position. Woo-Hoo!! Training started this past Monday. So thats good. Only a little bit of a raise, but at least I can stop being bored at work because that was what was happening.
   Things really could be worse. Sure it would be nice to be able to afford my own place. And a girlfriend would be cool too :) So really I shouldn't complain too much. It just seems that at 35 years old I should not be starting a new carrer but be firmly intrenched in a proper carrer. I just never saw myself like this at this stage of my life.
   Anyways, I guess what I am really trying to say is that I have to start seeing more of the positives in my life (thanks Carla). I am not the happiest that I could be, but at the same time I am not the saddest that I have been either (no happy pills for me!!!).
   As you have probably noticed from the link to my flickr site, photography has really taken a firm foothold in my life. Why I ever stopped is beyond me. Why I ever stopped doing any of the things that I enjoyed is beyond me. While I was married it seemed like I lost who I was. I am on the long road of discovery to find that person again.
   Ok enough babbling for tonight. Do me a favour, look at my photos, tell me what you think. I am thinking about trying to sell some. Maybe matte them and sell them like that or matte and frame them. I don't know. Give me your input, it would be very helpful. Even better, make an offer for a print and we can see what we can do for you :) heheh Just got to get the plug in there. But seriously, any input is very very welcome and please be honest. I can take it. If my pics suck and I am just dreaming tell me so. Or if they actually are pretty good, let me know too. I am too harsh of a critic on my own work so I tend to think everything sucks.

That is for tonight. Good night all.

Maybe if I scream things will feel better....

2005-12-22T19:18:00.000-05:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Damn even the growl didn't help. :(

All I want to know is what the universe has against me? I don't ask for much. But occassionally it would be nice if something went my way.

I applied for a new position at work. I didn't get it. Ok, I can live with that. Whatever, but the way they tell me that I didn't get the position just stinks.

An email. And not just any email, a fraken FORM email. The body of the email didn't even have my name in it. And to top it off, it didn't come from the department that I applied too, who if they did that kind of thing I could sort of understand it. But it came from the Human Resources department!!!!! Aren't they suppose to know better??!!

Oh well, fuck it. The universe turning around and kicking me in the ass once again. I wonder if there underwears come in kevlar?

Quick Update

2005-12-13T22:12:00.000-05:00

   Hello All. Just thought I would put a quick update here. I have been very negligent in keeping this blog upto day except for my occasionally rants and raves when I am in a crappy mood. Gee, one my get the impression that I am turning into an ornery son of a bitch. :( Not true though. It's just when I get depressed or pissed off I tend to want to vent. I find that when I vent I feel much better. I used to bottle all that up and that ended me up with anxiety and a ride in the back of a nifty ambulance.
   Now this doesn't mean everything is rosey, just that for the most part I am happier than I was, say, a year ago. Slowly but surely I am rebuilding a life for myself. I started over in career, went back to school and now got back into one of my favourite hobbies, photography. I when I say I got back into it, it is like a damn addiction. Just as expensive as heroin but no track marks :) I have probably said that here before, it is my latest "funny" saying. Go figure. Still a nerd :)
   Anyways, I am still alive, and doing pretty good for the most part. Don't forget to check out my flickr site. I am more regular updating that. And leave comments :)
   Well, thats all for tonight. Going to bed. Good night all.

Said it all in a song

2005-12-11T16:29:00.000-05:00

If you have not listened to anything by Chicane, then you are missing a wonderful artist. I was just listening to No Ordinary Morning. I have listened to this tune a bunch of times before, but this is the first time I have really LISTENED to the words. I wonder if Nick Bracegirdle has been psycically linked to me when he wrote this song. The lyrics do a good job of describing my feelings. Just for the record I am going to put the lyrics here.

No Ordinary Morning Lyrics

If there was nothing that I could say
Turned your back and you just walked away
Leaves me numb inside I think of you
Together is all I knew

We moved too fast but I had no signs
I would try to turn the hands of time
I look to you for a reason why
The love we had passed me by

And as the sun would set, you would rise
Fall from the sky into paradise
Is there no light in your heart for me
You've closed your eyes, you no longer see

There were no lies between me and you
You said nothing of what you knew
But there was still something in your eyes
Left me helpless and paralysed

You could give a million reasons change the world and change the tides
Could not give me the secrets of your heart and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds me now there is no peace of mind
Your careless words undo me, leave the thought of us behind
You could give a million reasons change the world and change the time
Could not give me the secrets of your heart and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds you now there is no peace of mind
Your careless words undo me, leave the thought of us behind

Sometimes you just want to scream!!!

2005-12-01T22:48:00.000-05:00

I have one question. What the hell did I do to piss the world off? I just can't seem to get a break these days.

If it's not one thing it's another.

I go to work this morning, park at the GO station. Come home and there's a damn parking ticket on the car. This morning that parking spot was a legal spot to park in. Tonight it has suddenly become a fracken reserved spot. They went and installed posts and signs in the middle of the day and I guess the parking infraction guys must be following the construction guys around.
FUCKING DIRTY is what GO Transit is. I am so fracken pissed off. Appplying a little bit of common sense would be asking just a little too much.
Now I will have to take a day off work to fight this stupid thing. Like I can afford a day off work or to pay a ticket that I don't deserve in the first place.
If I was in the wrong, then fine I get what I deserve, but don't change the damn rules in the middle of the game!!!!!

I guess this is just expected. These days it seems if it can go wrong, it will. I am just so fed up. I was telling someone the other day, I am not depressed but at the same time I am not happy. Just....meh!!

I have always felt alone in the world. Just never really fit in, in most situations. Lately though... I guess "lonely" would be a better description. I realize now how much I miss the companionship and the cuddling of a wife/girlfriend. Now don't get me wrong, I have a few great friends and I wouldn't trade them for anything. But there ain't no way I am cuddling with Raj!!! His beard would be too scratchy.
At least I can still crack a joke :|

Oh well, enough ranting. Just wanted to get that off my chest.

And just for the record...if any of you know a cute indie chick thats looking for a slightly damaged indie(ish) guy, give em my number :) Hell, she doesn't even need to be an indie chick, these days with the luck I am having a pulse and some tits seem to be the minimum criteria. :(

Oh the other thing. Why in the world did I ever stop having photography as a hobby. Since I have gotten back into it I realize how much I love taking pictures. These days it seems to be one of the few things that keep me going. Its like an addiction, with out the side effects. I guess we have to count the few blessings that we do get. The other of course would be Sarah. And fortunately she loves having her picture taken. Makes my life a lot easier in that respect.

Ok thats it for now. And don't forget about the indie chicks :)

Christmas

2005-11-20T13:39:00.000-05:00

Bah Humbug!!

Just can't seem to get into the spirit this year, or really seem to care :(

Fall Colours

2005-10-22T20:21:00.000-04:00

Took over 200 pictures today on a little jaunt up north. Raj and I figured it would be a good time to see if we could capture some of the fall leaf colours for prosterity. We had a wonderful time and spent more time than planned out and about. We spend a whole bunch of time at the Badlands in Caledon. If you are in the area and have never visited this part of the region, do yourself a favour and take an afternoon and look around, it is lovely country.
Here is one example of the pics that we captured. I am in the process of going through the pics and will be posting more on my flickr site as I get around to it.

If you have not checked out flickr.com yet, do so. It is a great site and there are some incredible images up there.

Ta Ta for now.

Neil Gaiman was in Toronto!!!!!!!

2005-10-09T01:22:00.000-04:00

Absolutely fabulous night tonight. One of my favourite authors was in town for a book reading and signing. Neil Gaiman. Gaiman is the man responsible for the Sandman comics, and a bunch of really good books. He is also a very intelligent and witty personality.

The presentation was at the Bloor Street United Church. Doors were to open at 5:30pm. Raj and I got down there early. We figured we'd grab coffee and wait for the appointed time. That was until we drove by the church and there was already a line up half a block long and this was at about 4:40pm! Coffee idea got dropped to be replaced with lining up. The line quickly grew and grew and grew and grew. Until it was stretching towards the horizon.

As we were standing in line the reactions of the people as they got to the corner and saw how far the line up stretch was great. It never got old and a bunch of us were giggling away at every reaction. The reaction of the night though had to be the person trying to sell an extra ticket they had (you know you have hit it big when your book signing has scalpers :). Anyways her reaction was pretty much, "Ticket for sale, extra tick.....HOLY SHIT!". Had use in stitches laughing. But to illustrate the line here is a quick snapshot I took of the line behind us.

Finally we get in the church and grab our seats. After waiting some more they showed a video presentation which was very good and then Neil did a reading from Anansi Boys (pictured here) . From what he read, I can't wait to get my greedy little eyes on this one, it sounds wonderful.

They also had draws for prizes. Raj is damn lucky and won a chance for a photo op with Neil. So here it is.

Then to top the night off we met up with Rosh and Coralee for coffee afterwards. What a fabulous night.

Serenity review that hits the mark

2005-10-05T23:34:00.000-04:00

Hey Folks,

I like Orson Scott Card, albeit he is really milking the Ender's Game books by rewriting the same damn story from different points of view. But I do like some of his stuff. To that end I found a review of the movie Serenity by him that hits the nail squarely on the head. Read it here. And did I mention that it is a fucking amazing movie?

I really need to stop that.

2005-10-01T22:47:00.000-04:00

I really am my own worst enemy. Most of my anxiety problems are because I sit here and over anaylis everything. And I really mean everything. Sometimes that cigar really is only a cigar. But I am getting better at trying not to over think every damn thing. It is not like I can just stop doing it. It is who I am and what I am. I realize that it is not healthy and really I don't like it taking over. It is something that I realize I do and am working on minimizing.

Now on that note, things are really looking better these days. I do feel much happier. Work is going well, school is going well, I don't worry about my failed marraige any more. Life is looking up. I started dating again. I have met a very nice lady that if nothing romantic comes of it, at least she is really cool and can be a good friend. I have refound some of my missed hobbies. I am taking pictures again, after forgetting how much I loved doing that. And if I don't say so myself, I am not to shabby at it either. :) And I have rediscovered how much music means to me. I had sort of stopped listening to music as much and well now I do listen.

And one final quick note. RUN OUT AND GO SEE "SERENITY"! IT IS A DAMN GOOD MOVIE!!!!!

WTF was that.

2005-09-21T00:47:00.000-04:00

You know I don't know where yesterday's post came from. I have really been feeling much much better. Normal in fact. Well, as normal as I EVER want to be. But damn when I read that post from yesterday, it sounds really depressing. I know I was in a bit of a funk but why I can not say. I actually had a really good weekend, a good week before that and a great weekend before that. And things are actually pretty much going my way these days. Ok the big bag of money hasn't dropped out of the sky but we all have dreams. :)

I think what it was, was lawyer talk. I hate lawyers (no offence, Rosh). They want to take you for every cent you don't have. But I am not going to rant. Just move on with my life and enjoy it.

So that is that for tonight. A much happier and saner me for the world. And don't worry peoples. I am good. In fact, I am quite happy. Just damn busy!!!

Talk to you all later, and keep smiling.

Dexta By C.J. Ryan

2005-09-07T21:08:00.000-04:00

I figured it was about time that I give some opinions on the books that I read. As you can probably tell I like to read. Hence the reading list to the right there ----------------> Unfortunately it is a pasttime that tends to get expensive as the publishers like to rape us readers :( 12 bucks for a paperback ought to be criminal. It is also like crack. Damn bloody addictive. Oh well, I can think of a lot worse things to be addicted to. (just for the record, coffee and chocolate are not bad addictions).

Anyways, Dexta, I picked this one up on a whim. I was in Indigo on my lunch our without a clue as to what I felt like reading. I was literally picking up books by the picture on the cover. Go figure. In this case though, I won. I really enjoyed this book. It is more about work place politics than anything else. Albeit, the workplace politics in this book are taken to the absolute extreme.

The characters are well developed and very likable. The story is pretty good and well paced. I was pretty hooked on this from about the second page. I don't know if this is a good thing or not, but it is the first in what looks like if going to be an ongoing series. As long as the next ones are as good as this I will consider that a good thing.

As a side note, NEIL GAIMAN is coming to Toronto!!!!! And Raj and I have tickets to go see him speak and get a book signed. And of course drop 40 bucks for his new one!! Woo-Hoo!!

Happy Reading.

This day has finally ended!

2005-09-04T23:57:00.000-04:00

I am now feeling much better and at the same time much worse now that this day has come to a conclusion. Today was the day my Sister-in-Law was wed. It was a nice service (ie SHORT), however, the bad thing about it was that it was precided over by the same minister that married me. And we all know how that is sitting now. The service was very similar to the one we had. It also stirred up a lot of emotions in me that I had thought were gone or at least buried deep enough to not matter. Apparently the scar tissue is not yet think enough. Had a bit of a meltdown myself after the service and had to go for a walk.

I wasn't too fond of going to this wedding in the first place. Had Sarah not been the flower girl and attending I probably would have blown off the whole thing. As it is, my sister-in-law specifically told me she definately wanted me there and I definately could not disappoint Sarah, which of course is the main reason I was going. After the service I was pretty much ok until the speeches and stuff. Then it really started to hit home. Things really are over. Not that there was a snowball's chance in hell that I would give the ex-wife a chance to rip my heart out again. No fucking way!!!!!!! Been down that road too many times already. Sometimes I wonder if I am a glutton for punishment. But that is a whole other story. Or maybe I am just too afraid of being alone that I will allow myself to be pushed around, walked over and basically have my self completely swallowed.

I guess the thing I miss most about having a wife, is the companionship. Someone there who will listen and just be one on your side. Not that I had felt that in a while, but you know what I mean.

I have just run out of things to say. Emotionally and mentally I am completely drained. I really need time away from everything. Thank god that next weekend I am going away. I really really need it.

But thats it for now. Although my thoughts have not been completely express...I have just run out of...words, feelings, whatever.

Have a great night. Talk to whoever later.

Eyes Finally Open

2005-08-20T23:31:00.000-04:00

It finally hit me today. I am the guy who is going to make me happy or not happy. I am no longer going to let the world lead me on and let others be the one to determine how I feel or dictate how I should feel. I am sick and tired of being depressed or pissed off.

For too long I have done what is expected of me or what I thought others expect of me. As you know the last couple of years for me have been generally crappy. But no more. I stayed in jobs or took jobs that were not making me happy, but were what I thought was expected of me.

Today I stop worrying about things that I have no control over. I have been giving advise to others for ages now, but never listening to that advise myself. Not to toot my own horn, but damn some of that advise is damn good advise. The most important piece that I have always given to others that I have been teaching or coaching or whatever is "not to worry about gravity". In essence, can I control gravity? No of course I can't so why worry about it. Situations like that will have an outcome of their own. No matter what I do about them, they will not change, so don't worry about it. Other things that I do have control over, exert that control and "take" control of that situation. Don't let it control you. I have worried about the gravity issues for too long and let the other issues that I have control over, control me. Well, that changes.

I have been pining about my failed marriage for a while now. I (we) tried to make it work and it didn't. It was more of a one sided decision, but no more. I have (basically) come to terms with it. Nothing is going to change this situation, so why am I letting it get me down and make me all pissed off? I need to move on. Sure I have made mistakes, I am willing to admit that, but I am also not willing to believe that it was all my doing that lead us down this road. As the oft used cliche goes, "it takes 2 to tango", although I guess in this case if we were tangoing things might have worked :)

Anyways. I have been so down on myself lately and I don't think I should be. My best buds (Carla and Raj) have both given me shit about being overly hard on myself. And just as I wasn't listening to myself, the other 2 people that I should take the advise of, I have also not been listening too. You know, I am not such a bad guy. I am not the best looking guy around, but I am also not the ugliest. Ok I have a few pounds to shed, but I am working on that. I like to think that I am somewhat intelligent (although I am not above doing dumbass things every once in a while). I also like to think that my personality isn't all that bad and that I am at least a bit humorous and interesting to talk to. I have a beautiful daughter, a loving family and some great friends (who really fall in to the family category). I have a job that for the most part, I like (its work, who in their right mind would rather do work than have fun? Unless of course your work is playing games, right Raj? :) I could be a lot worse off. Hell, if I had stayed at McPukes or Worst Buy I am sure that I would have been dead by now.

I have finally opened my eyes. I am the guy that is in control. I need to build my confidence and stop worrying about what others think. I realize it is really easy to say all these things. But if I keep working on it and keep telling myself these things it will be like a self fulfilling prophecy.

Today I start doing things for me. Just recently I started getting back into photography. I had loved taking pictures in the past. Why the hell did I stop? I don't know. Why the hell did I stop doing a lot of things that I liked doing? I don't have that answer. I do however, know how I am going to fix it though. I am going to start doing the things that use to give me joy. Taking pictures, listening to music, hanging out with friends and a multitude of other things that I am sure that I will enjoy but haven't tried yet :)

I think I have rambled on for long enough now.

Oh, something else I discovered today, my car doesn't start shaking until it gets over 160 kph! :)

Four Brothers

2005-08-14T21:08:00.000-04:00

Went to see Four Brothers on Saturday night. I must say that I did enjoy this. I was not expecting it to be a great movie and it wasn't. As an action flick it was quite good though. The plot was quite good and the four leads did a very good job. I am being a bit lazy so that is all I will say for now. :)

Yellow Rose

2005-08-12T15:47:00.000-04:00

I am quite happy with how this turned out.

Evolving again

2005-08-12T14:03:00.000-04:00

Fluid as it may be, I think I have found a layout for my blog here that I will keep for a while. There is still some tweaking to do, but I must say that I am quite happy with the results of this. There is a couple things that still need fixing. The title bar is just bloody blinding now. I have some ideas for that but I haven't quite figured out what I want that to look like yet. I think the link colour for a visited link is also in need of tweaking it doesn't quite fit.

The page is also set up with a liquid format (ed: I was corrected :). Which means that it will reformat itself as one changes the size of the browser window so that it will look realtively the same no matter who is looking at it. The only caveat to that is if you use a rediculously small browser window (ie less than 600 pixels wide). In that case you need to give the horizontal scorll bar a work out. :)

I also must give credit where credit is due. Thanks to Raj for pointing out a cool way of setting up my page (and also for being straight up when the early versions looked crap!). The original template that I have changed came from this site. The final product (as final as anything is around here) looks quite different than the original, but the basic layout is preserved.

Finally, don't let anyone tell you that Emacs sucks. They are just living in a reality that is imaginary. Emacs is awesome. All the editing for this page is done in Emacs and there is nothing that has the power and usefulness of Emacs. So do yourself a favour and download it and install it for yourself. Get it here for Windoze.

Don't forget to check out some images at Flickr either. It is a great site with great pics and great discussions about photography. That and Raj and I both have pics there.

Later Dudes.

Flickr

2005-08-07T23:33:00.000-04:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Movie rental night

2005-07-30T23:49:00.000-04:00

So Raj and I figured Friday night would be a good time to catch up on some movies that we had missed in the theatres. So off to Rogers Video we went to pick up "Constantine" and "Million Dollar Baby". We went into Rogers thinking it would be a quick in and out. Unfortunately, we were thwarted in that attempt. Turns out Rogers deletes your account with them if you do not use it in 6 months. I am not just talking about at the store level, I could understand the stores purging their databases. But at a corporate level they delete your account if you have no activity in a 6 month period. What a pain in the butt! Maybe I am picky but 6 months seems like an awefully short time considering how little information needs to be stored. Oh well, go figure. So our 2 second trip was stretched to 15 minutes. That may not seem long, but we were HUNGRY!!!!!

We got our dinner and sat down to watch the movies. I was quite happy with both of our choices. We figured since Million Dollar Baby would be the downer of the 2 flicks that we would start with that one. It is a great movie. The acting is supurb and the story is very good. I went in thinking this was a boxing movie, and albeit, boxing is the main story line, but it is more a story about life struggles and overcoming the seemingly impossible to acheive your dreams. Now since I don't want to ruin the main plot, I am not going to say more about it. Morgan Freeman, Clint Eastwood and Hilary Swank all give great preformances. I don't think I have seen a movie yet with Morgan Freeman in it where he does not do the voice over. Don't get me wrong that is not a complaint, he has a great voice for it, it just a comment.

Next was Constantine. I was not expecting a lot out of this movie. I had heard middling reviews for it. Fortunately I was pleasantly surprised. I enjoyed this movie very much. Now I have not read the comics so I didn't really have an expectation from that point of view. However, Raj who has read the comics also seemed to enjoy it. I am sure if you go to his blog he will give a very well written review. So I am not even going to try. I will sum up by saying that the movie was very good, had some good effects (if you ignore the very bad effects used for Hell) and had exactly the type of acting to be expected out of Keanu Reeves.

Both good movies so rent them and enjoy.

Later all.

Finally starting to look better

2005-07-30T23:46:00.000-04:00

Ok, I finally had a chance to put a little bit of work into the layout of my blog. I am still not 100% happy with the layout as it now is, but it is much better than the previous look. Raj will be happy to see that I centred the posts in the centre column much better. :) He kept getting onto me about that, it bugged his inner calm. :)

As always this is a work in progress and I will tweak it as I get the time.

Last night at cottage

2005-07-21T21:09:00.000-04:00

Tonight's late night is Raj's fault. :) He goes and gives me a stack of comics to read. I use to collect comics in a big way. Like 20 to 30 bucks a week in comics back in the day. But I could not continue to justify that much cash each month for a ten minute read. I read to bloody fast a lot of times. Anyways, I would still love to be able to afford to collect and more importantly read comics since there are a lot of comics out there that are amazing. Don't let anyone, ever, tell you that comics are shit and not "legitimate" reading. They don't know their ass from a hole in the ground when they say things like that. That is not to say that there are not crap comics out there. Just as with books there is bad shit and good shit. Tonight however as I said is Raj's fault. Raj just happened to come across a stack of comics, which of course knowing that I was going to be data starved this week dumped a load of them on me. One of those comics is called "Powers" from image comics. It is amazing. I started reading thinking I would read a couple of issues and pick it up again later. Ya right. Like I could put it down before the first story arc was finished. If you have a chance to read this fantastic comic, do yourself a favour and pick it up. It took all my will power to stop reading as the next story arc had Warren Ellis as the guest star.

After the rambling of yesterday I am feeling much better. I guess I had to get it off my chest. I was kind of skimming it through again as I ran it through the spell checker (as said yesterday, I can be a dumbass at times. I have word et al on my 'puter, so what do I use to write this up on but notepad. Duh. BTW, if anyone can suggest a good offline poster thingy for Blogger, let me know.) Anyways, sidetracked as usual, as I am skimming through it I was tempted to edit my thoughts. But I decided against that line of action. That was my thoughts of the time and I don't regret or retract anything that is posted there.

The one portion that I was really tempted to edit was the bit about the other half's 'boyfriends' and getting between Sarah and me. I wonder if that sounded a litte...selfish...paranoid or just unfair. I know that the other half is not evil (that's my job :)) and that she really has Sarah's best interests in mind, its just she seems so different that I wonder if I was blind to changes in both our personalities. I was thinking today on the boat (took Sarah on another cruise, this time in Kingston. We both had a great time.), I was thinking that we were so wrapped up in trying to get on with life that we forgot to stop and smell the roses. I think we stopped having fun together. Don't ever let that happen to you. I know that in the past couple of years I was feeling so sorry for myself in the crappy jobs that the hours that I spent not at work, I spent worrying about work or...hmm...damn, can't think of how to express this. I guess I spent the hours just feeling sorry and thinking that I was a failure to both my wife and my daughter. I had always said I wanted out of McD's but did very little about it until push came to shove. As I said yesterday, I am not pinning blame on anyone. Just trying to figure out what went wrong. I really realize that there is life after separation and I figure that I have to take what I learned from the past and apply it going forward. As I am typing this, it seems so obvious but in some ways I can be so smart and in others I am such a dunce. Relationships are definitely a dunce area for me. I like to think that I am a smart guy, so it really bugs me when I mess things up. I usually take mistakes that I make very personal. I know a great road to an ulcer or anxiety. I don't like making mistakes, at least not mistakes where I should have known better or where if I had taken the time to look it would not be a mistake. I don't know where I am going with this. I do know that I don't want to make these mistakes again and am making the vow to myself right now to stop and smell those roses.

Well, I think I have done enough soul bearing for now. It has been a great week away from everything. Although I am craving some adult conversation. :) It's funny at the beginning of the week I was in such a state that I was thinking that I could get use to life in the middle of nowhere, but I can definitely say that I would go crazy (or crazier) here in the middle of nowhere. I can say without a hint of a doubt that this week away was definitely what I needed to clear my head. It was in desperate need of clearing. Does that mean I am going to jump on to Lavalife or anything like that...maybe...maybe not right away. Am I going to obsess about the other half dating...that is a definite no. Do I wish things could have been different? Of course. But things are as things are. We take the hand that is dealt us and make the best of it. And to finish this off with another cliche but one that I am going to credit the other half with since it is her that always said it. We can be friends, right now it is a little touch and go since I am still feeling the wounds, but time will heal those or at least minimize them. I still care for her and will always but we have to move on. So her saying; "Tough times don't last, tough people do." Now I may have screwed it up, but you get the gist.

G'night all. Talk to you soon.

Rambling a bit

2005-07-20T20:54:00.000-04:00

Today was the big day at the beach. We took our picnic lunch and headed down to Presqu'ile Provincial Park. It was really nice. The water was surprisingly warm, but very wavy and very windy at the beach. That however, did not prevent us from having a great time at the beach. We build Big Castle Sarah. And Little Castle Sarah. And a road network and couple of "cakes".

Sarah wasn't impressed with the waves at first, but with my insistence that we stay in the water a little longer, it soon was a barrel of fun. I wasn't too impressed though after we had finished at the beach. We got changed, and went over to the boardwalk trail to see if we could see any "birdies" and frogs. The boardwalk has been mostly taken down for safety reasons, I guess it deteriorated over the years. Unfortunate, but some of it is still there. But the part that really did not impress me was as we are driving out of the park, I notice new signs that have been posted at the top of the roads to the beaches. They have posted it as no swimming due to high bacteria counts!! Now they tell us. I guess the bacteria just jumped in there and earlier today it was fine!! To tell the truth I am not so worried about it since we did not have our heads under the water and both of us are normally healthy so we should be fine. I think. :)

Well, there is more to write about, but I think that is enough for now as it is getting late and I do have to get up a little bit earlier tomorrow since we are heading out to Kingston for the day.

As much as I am loving having a week with my daughter and am a little lonely. This kind of trip that should be done as a family and something that we should have done a long time ago. Maybe if we had things would not have turned out as they have. I guess I shouldn't dwell on it too much. Things are as they are and there isn't much that is going to change that. We did give it a try again and it didn't work out for whatever reasons. Although I sometimes feel that the other half wasn't trying as hard to make it work, but I can't speak for her or her feelings. I guess if she is happier with this arrangement, then I guess that is probably best for Sarah. Staying together "for the kids" is a crock of shit. If the parents are not happy and there is tension in the air, the kids will pick up on this and it can not be healthy for them. I figure that I have come to accept my separation and realize in my head that it is over and hopefully for the best. The memo however has taken the slow boat to my heart and it is having the harder time letting go. I know that there is too much water under the bridge and that we probably let the bad fester for too long before we tried to fix it for anything to come of it. But I can't help but look back on the past and think "Gee, if I had done this or that or whatever, things might have been better or different or....". I HAVE to stop thinking like this, it was not fully my fault, I am not the only guilty party here. Laying blame is also not going to make things better. As you know I am not a religious or spiritual person, however, I do tend to think that things happen for a reason. That is not to say that we have no free will and that EVERYTHING is determined by fate. But I just can't believe everything is random, at least I don't want to believe that everything is random and that there is no meaning to life.

I am rambling, for the most part this is the first time I am really admitting these thoughts to myself. I have verbalized some of these thoughts to friends in the past, but sitting down and writing them out is making them all the more real.

The other half started dating shortly after we ended things. This was quite a blow to me in that I was no where near ready to start down that road. My self-esteem has taken a huge blow. That is something that will take time to heal. It wasn't like it was huge to begin with. I am just afraid that her new "boyfriends" will get between Sarah and me. I would absolutely hate that to happen. I honestly don't believe it would happen and I did let her know my feelings on the issue so I truly believe I am just being paranoid on this point.

I guess I should really think about seeing other people. That is of course if I could find another people that would want to see me. I always said I was lucky to find the one woman in the world who would marry me. I realize I am not the easiest person to get along with all the time, but there must be others out there for me. I hope anyways. I always thought that I could go through life alone, but I do miss a lot of things that female relationships offer (to put it obliquely). And I am not only talking about the sexual parts. I miss the....damn I don't even know how to say it. I guess the companionship. Cuddling was always fun too. :)

Well, lets put this to paper (you know what I mean! :), starting now it is Operation Get Steve a life. Something that I only just realized recently, dressing nice does make one feel better. My usual fashion statement is Jeans and T-shirts. Not to say I dressed like a slob, they are nice looking jeans and T-shirts. But I have really started to believe that ZZ Top had it right; "Every girl likes a Sharp Dressed Man". So with that in mind, I have to get my surrogate sister to help me out. She is the "Shopping Diva". I don't do clothes shopping that well. I end up coming home with more of the same. I have 2 basic colours that I choose; Black or Blue. I got adventurous last time I went out shopping by myself and came home with Beige too. Except that the general consensus is that is an ugly shirt :( but I don't care because I like it. :)

Also got to really get to losing the "few extra pounds" that I have. Raj, are you listening? We gotta get you a bike so I have a partner to go cycling with :) But seriously, really have to stop eating the crap that I eat (ok I admit that I have been eating a lot less crap lately and the 6 pounds that I have shed in the last couple of weeks will agree with that) but I could eat better. So "brown bagging" it for work for most of the time and hitting the gym more often. Or other exercises while the weather is nice. I don't think the bike has been out this year yet. :(

WOW, I have been rambling on and the time is flying away. Going to wrap this up now. I never really believed it before, but writing this out has made me feel a little better. I really have to start doing this on a more regular basis. ;)

Later dudes and dudettes.

Trent Severn Cruise

2005-07-19T20:48:00.000-04:00

Cruise rides seem to be a popular choice for 4 year olds. We took a 2 hour cruise up and down Locks 20 and 21 of the Trent-Severn waterway. Lock 21 by the way is the World's Tallest Hydraulic Lift Lock. The cruise was great. Also for the guy behind me in line, Gilligan's Island was a "3 hour Cruise" that they got lost on, not a 2 hour cruise. Grrr. If you are going to educate your kid about bad 70's (or was that 80's?) sitcoms at least get it right. Now I say bad, but really in comparison to the reality shows of today, were they really that bad?

We checked out Downtown Peterborough and the mall in the middle. That didn't take long at all. :(

So back to the cottage and a dip in the river again. We borrowed the inflatable dingy from the neighbours and in the Little one went and up the river we went. It is only about neck deep at the deepest (ok maybe a couple of holes which are deeper). I put together a first aid kit in case the Little One hurt herself. So of course the one that gets to christen the new kit is myself. :( Nothing major, just a scrape on the side of my leg. Those Q-tips with the Iodine and Antiseptic inside them are great. My hat off to the guy who thought that one up.

Lang Pioneer Village

2005-07-18T20:42:00.000-04:00

Found the back way up to Hwy 7 and into a little town called Havelock. It's one of these towns that only began its existence because there was a railway yard and station there. However, a handy Tourist Information booth helps set the itinerary for the week. Along with the information there is also a restored Caboose there. Since I am a bit of a rail nut, it was pretty cool and the little one liked it too.

Today we find Lang Historic Pioneer Village. They have a working Grist Mill at the site on the Indian River. Very cool. The village is quite good too. Not as big as say Black Creek but cool none the less. Little one likes it too, but WOW is it hot. This humidity has got to break sometime. They are predicting thunderstorms for tonight. Hopefully, that will help with cutting the humidity.

Lightning bugs are extremely cool. We discovered them tonight as we are sitting out the backyard enjoying ourselves before it gets dark. I am sitting on the lounger reading some homework and Sarah is playing, when all of a sudden she starts going nuts because there are lights floating in the air. Fortunately the girls next door have let Sarah play with their yard toys while she is up here. One of the said toys is a bug net. A couple of swipes later and bingo we have a captured lightning bug and a fascinated 4 year old. "Get another one Daddy!!"

Vacation Officially Starts!

2005-07-17T20:35:00.000-04:00

Campbellford, ON

First day of vacation. Finally here and ready for a week of chillin' and relaxin'. I guess this is the first vacation that I have been on with Sarah. She has gone to England with her Mum before, but I was with them due to financial and work obligations. The cottage is great. It is small, but has all the necessary amenities. Flushing toilets, running water, a shower and bathtub and 2 bedrooms and a full kitchen. Outside is wonderful. It is right on the Crowe River. We were only her 5 minutes before we were in for a dip. The water is perfect, quite warm and clear. And more importantly, refreshing with the humidity as it is.

Since my cooking has a lot to be desired. I have elected to make picnic lunches each day and pick up suppers where ever we are visiting that day. For supper I decided that a drive into town would be a grand idea. Guess what?! Small town Ontario on a Sunday is the equivalent to a ghost town. Since I am a bonehead at times and have trouble reading a digital clock (duh!), we puttered into town about an hour before we should have been eating supper, I made the quick executive decision to check out Peterborough. It must have open food places, it is "big city". Not to mention the locks would be cool to show Sarah.

As we are trying to find things in Peterborough and Sarah telling me she is hungry, we find one of the locks in Peterborough (Lock 20) and as our luck has it, a boat is just going through the locks. Sarah was reluctant at first but that was short lived.

To make a short story out of a long story that was to be a short story, we found dinner (Taco Bell and Long John Silver's mixed restaurant) and headed back to the cottage and went off to bed.

Lots of pics here.

I gotta get myself out of this funk.

2005-07-12T22:33:00.000-04:00

I found a really interesting comic journal today. Basically this guy documented a period of his life through comics. It's probably not the best thing that I should be reading right now considering I am trying to shake this depressed funk I have been in lately, but the thing is I can really identify with this guy and in a way it is helping in that it shows me that I am not the only one out there that has had life shit on him. Not that I like to see people have shit times, but just knowing that the things I am feeling are somewhat normal.
I know that it is over between me and the ex (I think that is the first I have refered to her as that), but sometimes as I am lying awake trying to get at least a few hours of sleep before I have to drag my ass to work I wonder what she is thinking...does she miss me....or is it just me?
She would say that I had a negative outlook on life, that I always saw the bad and not so much of the good. I personally call it being realistic. I am beginning to wonder if maybe, just maybe she is right. But its hard to see the lighter side when life keeps getting up and kicking you in the nads.
So here we go, starting today, I am going to try see the lighter side of life, stop being so damn "realistic" and just enjoy. Hell, it can't get any worse can it?
Really though I do have a lovely daughter and a few great friends. I guess it could be a lot worse.

Well, 2 more days and I am on a vacation for a week. A very deserved vacation. Need a week to just decompress. I rented a cottage up near Campbellford for Sarah and I to enjoy. A week away from everything.

Anyways, enough of my rambling. If you are interested in the journal I mentioned at the beginning, here is the link.

Later, Dudes.

Great Martini Bar

2005-07-11T01:04:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Raj, we found a great Martini bar in Toronto tonight. It is called Insomina on Bloor at Bathurst. It is a great bar. After 10pm on most nights they have DJ spun music. Sundays are downtempo beats with DJ Riss-K. It was a great night. Good Martinis great music and wonderful looking ladies. Did I mention I love this town.

Anyways, if your in the area, definately worth checking out.

Later.

Old Movie Night

2005-07-03T23:48:00.000-04:00

Sitting at home bored so I decided to finally start watching one of the stack of DVDs that I have waiting to be watched.

Tonight's selection: Grosse Pointe Blank starring John Cusack, Minnie Driver and Dan Aykroyd.

I have never been a big fan of John Cusack, but lately I have seen a couple of his flicks and have enjoyed them.

This film was quite funny. Not an earth shattering great movie, but very entertaining and funny. Basically it is about a professional killer (Cusack) who goes back to his home town for his 10 year high school reuinion. That's about all I can say with out giving away too much of the plot.
If you are looking for some light, humourous entertainment, this will definately fit the bill.

On a side note, depression sucks!

Talk to you later.

New look

2005-07-02T23:21:00.000-04:00

Here it is the new look of my blog. Well, until I get bored of it and change it again. :)
Although I would not say that this is a finished piece of work. Nor am I going to claim that the CSS is perfect. Actually it is probably far from perfect. In fact, I know there is an error some where that will cause some Micro$oft IE browsers to display it wrong. The setup at work shows it wrong. But here at home it looks perfect on both IE and Firefox and I had a friend try it on Safari on his Mac (drool, drool) and it look right there too.
So as usual Microsoft is screwing something up. What's new.

As I said earlier, this is a work in progress. I have a few other thoughts that I want to impliment. For one the reading list still needs work. I home to have a lot more detail over there and start to actually write little reviews for what I read. :) Like any one cares for my opinion, but its my blog so you are going to get it anyways. :P

So stay tuned and look to see how it progress's. Updates may happen at a glacial pace but they will happen. Let me know what you think. Leave a comment. And don't worry about hurting my feelings, I can accept all critisisms. Suggestions are also welcome :)

TTYL.

New and Upcoming

2005-06-25T11:28:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you guys, but I am absolutely sick to death of this template that I am currently using. It must be about time the I get off my lazy butt and learn CSS so I can customize this page to what I envision my small space of the world should look like. So keep watching hopefully this boring, dreary canned template will start to look a little more (well, a lot more) personal in the weeks to come. :) And this doesn't reflect any insult to the person who originally created the canned template, because without that I would have no starting place. So a big thank you to the canned template creaters :)

Later Dudes!

Batman Begins

2005-06-18T00:21:00.000-04:00

WOW!!!!!

Raj and I went to see Batman Begins tonight. It was amazing. Finally a Batman movie that truely does justice to the Dark Knight. Christian Bale is the best Batman yet. The rest of the cast also did a brilliant job. Michael Cain is a great Alfred.
As the title suggests, this is an origin story of the Batman. The route through which Bruce Wayne took to becoming the Batman was very beleivable and done very well. Throughout the story is done very well. I don't think there is a bit about the movie that I didn't like.
I want a Batmobile!!! This is an incredible piece of machinery!

All told, go see this movie. Then lets take all the rest of the Batman movies and throw them in the rubbish. Especially the Joel Shaumaker (I know its not spelt right) versions of Batman. Complete rubbish!

Welcome Andrew Robert Thomas Hill

2005-06-17T14:40:00.000-04:00

Just as well Martin and I didn't go out for drinks after the Marillion concert. About an hour or so after Martin got home last night he was then on the way back out. This time however it was a trip to Brant Memorial Hospital with his soon to be not pregnant wife.

As they arrived at the hospital with contractions only 3 minutes apart the doctor/nurse tells Keri she's 8 cm dialated!!!! WOW! Almost there. That's almost a 911 call.

Anyways not so long after in comes their new son. 4 lbs 8 ozs. 8 weeks premature. Both Mummy and Baby are doing well. Obviously, Andrew in under great care as his little lungs are not quite ready, but with a little help and a lot of love he will be doing just fine.

Marillion in Concert

2005-06-17T00:11:00.000-04:00

Awesome concert tonight. Went to see Marillion tonight at The Mod Club Theatre. We had a GREAT time. For those of you who are uninformed (shame on you :). Marillion are a Prog Rock band that are just incredible. The concert tonight however was not the full band. It was just three of them. They are doing a tour which they have titled "Los Trios Marillos" Acoustic Shows with Steve Hogarth, Steve Rothery and Pete Trewavas.

It was incredible. All three of the guys have great stage presence and what really makes the show is that they are having an incredibly fun time. The only played on Pre-Hogarth, Fish era song. But that wasn't really surprising and I will forgive them that since they played one of my favourites. Sugar Mice.

This was the first time since, I guess it was 1997 or there abouts that they played Toronto. Last time was at the Guvernment. They skipped Toronto on the last full tour. I figure after that last show in Toronto they were afraid to come back. Pete got mugged (I still want to know how one gets mugged in Toronto?, but go figure) and Steve Hogarth was sick as a dog. But we've done our time and they pleasured us and brought great joy to the fans.

There was an opening act as well. Just a solo guy and a piano. He mentioned that he had toured with Marillion for a few shows and when they were in NYC the Village Voice reviewed the show and described him as "Cluttered Jazzy Music". I would say that they missed out "Maturbatory". He wasn't bad. But also wasn't good. It songs pretty much all sounded the same and he had large protions in the middle where he was jacking off with the piano. Not a pretty sight. I think his name was Jason Hunt. I am probably wrong on that but still, avoid him if you have the chance.

Good night for now.

Kingdom of Heaven

2005-06-05T01:50:00.000-04:00

Hello World :)

Went to see Kingdom of Heaven tonight. It was an excellent piece of work. Superbly acted, Well written, fantastic cinematography and up to Ridley Scott's usually great directing.
It was a little slow, but not a disappointment at all. I went in expecting to be assulted and offended with a great deal of religious zealotry, but was pleasently surprised. The religion that is in it is down to earth (so to speak). I felt it was more about personal religion than about the organized religion of the world. It speaks of the god in your mind and in your heart. Basically the reason you push on each day. Not because some so called religious leader told you what to do or how to do it. But rather doing what you feel deep inside is right or wrong.

Go see it for youself. :) The actors all do spectacular performances and it has some of my favourite actors. Liam Neeson, Orlando Bloom and Jeremy Irons to name a few.

As those of you that know me personally know, life for me in the past year has been in a bit of a turmoil (I know I'm the king of understatement). I hope to begin writing more in this journal. I am hoping that this will help me get my life back together again. I seem to have lost my direction and my personal self. I look forward to rediscovering who I am and what I really want out of life.

Ta Ta for now. I sign off for the day and hope to see you all later.

s.

Yes I am still here.....

2005-04-20T15:35:00.000-04:00

Hello Everyone??!! Aye its me again. Guess I have been a little lax in updating my little space on the internet. :(

Anyways, just thought I would drop a line. I'm going to have to fill in my thoughts a little more often.
But thats enough for now.

Talk to you all later.

Blade: Trinity

2004-12-08T23:24:00.000-05:00

Went out to see Blade: Trinity tonight. I was not expecting a lot out of this one. Lots of action, some good fight scenes, but not expecting a good movie in general. Well, wasn't I pleasently surprised. WOW. I really liked this one. Great fights, good story and 2 babes. I don't have any major complaints about the 3rd outing of Blade and friends. There was one cheesey bit (I won't mention it as it will give away some story, but you'll know it when you see it). And a couple cheesey weapons. But babes, bows and sword fights. Could a guy ask for more from an action flick. Final verdict. Spent some of the Punisher karma, but it was well worth it.

Incredibly Late

2004-11-11T09:29:00.000-05:00

Ok, I am finally posting my impressions on The Incredibles. And it was INCREDIBLE! I loved this one. The animation on this was up to the usual Pixar quality. Nothing spectacularily new in the animation like Monsters Inc. had, but that didn't really matter. The story was somewhat predictable, but good none the less. Characters were believable and done really well. Overall, I really loved this one. Used up all my movie karma on this one.

Sky Captian and the World of Wooden Actors

2004-10-10T20:10:00.000-04:00

I liked this one, but with some qualifiers. A movie filmed with no sets and all blue screened does not lend well to actors getting in the mood, so to speak. The dialog was very poorly presented. And some of the movie looked just plain bad. That being said it is a good throw back to the 50's sci fi pulp movies. Like I said, I did like it. But I won't be running out to grab this one on dvd.

Verdit: Punished

2004-10-03T01:04:00.000-04:00

OK, if your are even tempted a little bit to watch Punisher, just don't do it. The one being punished will be you.

I went into this knowing it wasn't going to be a great flick. But hey, some boom-boom and action never hurt a guy. Boy was we wrong on this one. For one thing there is a definate lack of Boom-boom. Little bit at the beginning and a little more at the end. But very sparce between the two points. And was the lame fire effect at the end really necessary? If you've seen it you know what I am talking about, if you haven't seen it I won't spoil it for you, but its predictable.

Final verdict on The Punisher....ouch, that hurt. But the karma bank is full to overflowing.

Later.

I'm a Dragon

2004-09-27T01:11:00.000-04:00

I knew it was true.

You're a dragon. You're smart and cunning, and
enjoy taking risks. Your need for independence
is an advantage, but sometimes it alienates you
from others. As far as *good* and *evil*,
you're pretty neutral--but you may have
something of a wicked streak.

What mythical beast are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Truth of it

2004-09-25T23:11:00.000-04:00

As I'm browsing the net today, I find this list of top ten thingys. Normally I give Top Ten lists a pass, but this one caught my eye. It may be humourous but it it oh so true.

Here is the link.

Nighty, night.

Shaun of the Dead

2004-09-25T23:05:00.000-04:00

What can I say other than, "Get out there and see this flick!"

It was hilarious. More of a comedy with zombies in it than a funny zombie movie. Not gonna say much else, but I definately recommend it.

As my buddy Raj says, we spent all our movie karma on that one. And worth every single bit of it.

Later

Job Interviewing

2004-09-23T20:01:00.000-04:00

You know, job interviews go much better when everything isn't riding on them. I had one today. I almost cancelled the interview to begin with because I was having second thoughts on it, but then decided, what the hell, give it a whirl. Some much easier when there isn't the huge pressure of "OMG, I HAVE to nail this one."

In case your wondering, I think it went well. They gave me a second interview right away with a manager. So, all in all. Looks like a good prospect. And the job actually sounds a lot better than I expected. And it is right downtown. Only my favourite place in the world. And yes the world does revolve around Toronto for those of you who don't know otherwise. :)

Later

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

2004-09-19T23:20:00.000-04:00

Went to see Resident Evil: Apocalypse tonight. Fortunately I went in not expecting a great movie. I was not disappointed in that regard. The movie in general was poor. Big plot holes, forced dialog and not great special effects. I want to get hold of all these directors who film fight sences with handicams and in millisecond bursts!! Its bloody annoying! Just stop it. All the fight scenes were like that in this film.

That being said, it did have some redeeming qualities. Lots of explosions and guns and blood. Milla Jovovich helps too with her hotness. All of you who live or know Toronto, will spend much of the movie going, "I know that place...." since most of it was filmed in TO. That was kinda cool for me.

Overall, the movie karma bank was totally filled up today. Gotta spend some of that karma with Shaun of the Dead.

Later!

First Post

2004-09-19T23:03:00.000-04:00

Hello world!

I finally decided to put my thoughts out to cyberspace. Whether that is a good or bad idea, I will let you decide.

How often I post will be random and purely up to my whim. It may be daily or there may be great spaces of time between posts. Time will tell.

Those that know me, also know that 2004 has not been a particularily great year for me. However, it can only get better from here on in. Hopefully, this blog will be a help for me to find that lost person that is me.

Take care and keep smiling! :)